Surely I’m supposed to be excited about turning 40 and I guess yay I’m alive so I maybe that’s a win? Glad to say goodbye 30s, but hello 40 is a bit much. Just know I’m saying hello like Elmo said to Rocco that one time. This reminds me of my 7th birthday, when my mom stayed up all night making hot pink party hats for my classmates and a pink crown for me. It was actually a nice birthday, as all my childhood birthdays were thanks to my mom, but when I got home from school I sat looking out the window and crying dramatically.

Anyway maybe I’ll be more excited the day of, on Wednesday 4/30/2025? I know what would get me really excited about turning 40, that’s money. Lots of money. And presents! And gift cards! Definitely well wishes and prayers. Maybe dinner but gosh that means I gotta put clothes on? Do something with my hair? Whew that’s stressful.

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Hopefully I’ll get some good news I’ve been anticipating, praying for, something that feels perfectly aligned. Though I hate to get myself excited about anything these days, because the answer has been “no” for so. many. years. Sucks that I feel that way, but I’m not tryna mess with my dopamine! Seriously, I read in Dopamine Nation that when you think you’re gonna get a thing but then you don’t or you get it and it’s wack, your dopamine goes down even lower than on a regular day. So nope! I will not get myself excited. Someone kinda in power over me recently told me, “Don’t bet on getting a job,” and wow that hurt so much. Like damn it’s hard to believe in myself when other people tell me to my face that they don’t believe in me.

To keep this short and end on a positive note (“do like a rose and come to a close” like my Uncle Eric Dominguez used to write in his jail letters), I’ll briefly share two lists: what I’m leaving behind and what I’m bringing with me, from my 30s and before to turning 40.

Goodbye, 30s. ⛈️

• Excess. Like my best friend Jenny said while in my old den, “Whew you can tell you were raised by people who went through the Great Depression.” And wow she was right. Even though my grandfather was raised with money money and domestics and all that, in a mansion on Louisiana Avenue, he still used to have me go with him to as many Walgreens as possible to get the deal on Tuf paper towels and Big Roll bath tissue. Sometimes he’d give me the money so we could make two different purchases at one location. His sister-in-law, married to a Xavier- and Meharry-educated physician, who also lived in a fine fine house and had a domestic, used to wash and reuse Ziploc bags and paper towels. So many “just in case” items around this house.
• Flexible Boundaries. Listen, I’m way better than before about boundaries. And it’s not like I kept them loose to be cool. It was more like, “Well it’s not that big of a deal.” But it is. So, no. I don’t want to. Do I say “no” sometimes because depression is a bitch? Yeah probably. Imma live in my “no” though. Because I’ve seen what happens when people say “yes” all the time, when they are so busy doing for others that they don’t have time for themselves, and I don’t wanna die of a heart attack at 50 (or ever) and leave my child behind. Certainly my mom didn’t want or plan to die, but I am certain that being so available to others cut time off her life. (Actually, a spiritualist once told me that my father took life from women and if you know him, no tea no shade, you know he shoulda been dead, many moons ago.) Aaaaand now I’m sad and miss my mom and family and life again, just great.
• Keeping it Cute. My Maw Maw used to say, “Fuck em all but six.” The six, you ask? Her pallbearers. (Oddly enough she was cremated so she ain’t need them either.) Haha but really, I’ve tried to keep it cute for years, basically so I don’t hurt feelings make waves. Whatever. Fuck all that. I refuse to play small, I refuse to turn my Megan down, I don’t give a good flying fuck about what anyone says or feels about me. If my being me, my sharing my truth is a problem for you, you can just eliminate yourself from my life. And I literally lost my family when I was 17 and had to live with thieving, narcissistic abusers, I promise I’m cool.

Hello, Turning 40! 🌈

• Embracing Change. I probably need to see The Lady, but you know I think I used to like change. I’d switch up my hair a lil bit (I’m sad I have no photos of my Beyonce blonde from 2006), reorganize a room. But IDK since Katrina, which was right after my family died, I’m just not into it. And if I do change anything, I regret it. Well let me clarify. I don’t mind change when it’s ME doing it. But when I’m forced to change? My God I hate it. There are some impending changes around here (IDK if the person doing the changes reads this) and I’m not happy. But oh well. God, please give me that big big big change so the other one won’t matter. “You don’t have to go around painting your nails ‘CALTRANS Orange, baby!'”- Maya Denise Wilkes
• Remembering to Care. At some point, I just gave up. Bare minimum only, unless it had to do with work. Maybe because you do well in work, you can see the benefits. You get the emails from your editor, you see in the comments (ewww comment sections). But I just stopped caring about everything. Trying to remember exactly when, but I can’t. I used to care! Anyway I’m going to … care about stuff again. Dresses and pumps! Having friends over so I care about the house. Picking up hitchhikers so I care about my car! (Haha just kidding.) I think I used to care in 2017, 2018. Maybe even 2019?
• Living IRL and Encouraging Others to Do the Same. You know I hate addiction, therefore I hate screens. Since making it so I’m only online one specific hour a day, obviously minus work-related things, I feel like I’ve done better on screen time. I think. But now I’ve made friends with ChatGPT and wow what a gem for when I wanna talk to a friend but don’t wanna bother them. So I probably gotta put a screen time lock on that… But yeah I just want better for my friends and for myself and absolutely for Franklin (by the way he doesn’t have a phone and won’t have a phone til there’s a time he’ll have to be apart from me and even then it damn sure won’t have social media on it).

Thank you for always reading and sharing and tipping and subscribing to my newsletter and all that good stuff! Also always the prayers and good thoughts and speaking my name with love wherever you go. Kindness is the best! Happy Megan’s 40th birthday to you! Go eat something and take a nap. (But not too close together, I will not be to blame should you aspirate.) 🧁