Is it a social media addiction we are dealing with, or is it that we’ve used our phones for everything for so long that we don’t know how to live without them? It feels like one day I picked up my phone and never put it back down. I’m hoping I can reverse that soon, starting with Pretty sure I’ve reversed that now, thanks to a dopamine detox and a reasonable amount of digital minimalism. My ultimate goal is to unplug and get back to the old school, but I have trouble remembering what that even was and I’m glad it’s coming back to me like riding a bike. Which, I just might do.
Most of Us Want Out and Would Cringe at the Term “Social Media Addiction”
Recently I asked my friends on Facebook if they also felt this overwhelming, sudden urge to leave social media. All of them said yes. A few said they already do it and have had nothing but joy because of it. Some said they were trying. Others said they dream about it but are fearful because they run businesses and feel like they need to keep up a presence. There are weekslong holds at the New Orleans Public Library on e-books about abandoning social media, which reinforces the notion that I’m far from alone in these thoughts.
Leaving has been my dream for a minute, but as a journalist and author I’ve always felt like I had to stay online. My friend Charisse is a journalist too, and she leaves social media every year for Lent. Momentarily, every year, I am inspired! But I told myself that she can do that because she is employed full time with one news station. I freelance and feel like I find a lot of work online, so I feel forced to stay. Of course, this is not actually true and I absolutely can and do get gigs outside of social media.
Are 80s Babies a Special Case?
I’m 38 and “old folks’ chirren,” so I grew up with a rotary phone, records and hand-written phone books, but I was also the one to program all the grownups’ VCRs, troubleshoot their computers and get them started with America Online (AOL). There was a mimeograph machine in my classroom and an IBM computer. On top of that, I was in gifted classes and got started in journalism in 2011 when everything was starting to shift in media. Unfortunately and understandably, we couldn’t foresee to what extent. Mastering all things tech has been a part of my life since childhood. So why does it all of a sudden feel so gross?
(About the gifted classes. I know, I know, according to yall’s TikToks that means I probably need to see The Lady to get the pills. But if we’re being honest a lot of y’all who be seeing The Lady to get the pills really have just unwittingly trained your brains to behave in ways that–especially when paired with ill-informed social media people’s viral posts–make you think you have whatever trendy thing and need whatever chic pills your Big Pharma-loving doc prescribes.)
Largely due to my Aries Venus and Mercury–and a healthy sprinkling of trauma–once I’m over something I’m over it. Going outside and seeing everyone mesmerized by their phones, always looking like an axolotl in folks’ wish-you-were-here IG stories (to be clear, ain’t nobody come to either Otis or me), watching people be disgustingly fake for engagement. One day it just started really vexing me, and I began planning my exit. How did I tolerate it for so long? The blinders were off.
TheFacebook and Hurricane Katrina: a Perfect Social Media Addiction Storm
Picture it: New Orleans, LA. August 2005. I’m on the phone with my then best friend, and she’s telling me about this website (remember, this is before smartphones) called TheFacebook. “Girl! I see everybody on there! And there are these things called groups and one is called ‘Where Did I Put My Lipgloss?’ You need to join!” At the time, I couldn’t. TheFacebook was only for certain colleges and my school, Dillard University, wasn’t one of them.
Hurricane Katrina came soon after this conversation and displaced us all.
Communicating was a doozy. We were thrown into this thing called texting, jam packed in hotel lobbies trying to email people and print Mapquest directions using hotel computers, getting “all circuits are busy” messages when trying to call folks. So here’s this magical pacifier called TheFacebook that can connect you with everyone you miss, and you can search by their actual names instead of screen names! When I enrolled at Southern University for the Katrina semester, I was elated because I could finally get on TheFacebook. And in the beginning, it was cool. I mean, it was no MySpace but it was a neat place to share your personality with others. LOOK AT THE GROUPS I’M IN! READ MY WALL! CHECK OUT THESE QUOTES YOU WON’T UNDERSTAND (INSIDER)!
Also, in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, I could check and see what my Dillard classmates were doing at their temporary schools and I could see if my childhood friends and cousins were doing OK too. I read in Dr. Anna Lembke’s Dopamine Nation, that people experiencing trauma and people with financial insecurities are more likely to become addicted to things. That makes me wonder if that was the case for New Orleanians following Hurricane Katrina, and if there are any numbers on social media addiction following disaster.
Enter: Smartphones
Like I mentioned before, I feel like one day I picked up my phone and never put it back down. And I have trouble remembering life before this dingdang gadget. In January 2007, the Facebook Mobile website was launched, and you could even upload pictures and status updates by texting them to 32665. Still, most people preferred to Facebook from computers since back then phone cameras were wack and phone resources were limited. (Remember calling people after a certain time when minutes were free?) I vividly remember my friends and I, gathered around a laptop to Facebook together. Not to mention bringing point-and-shoot cameras to the club!
Though the iPhone was released in summer 2007, it wasn’t until summer 2008, with the opening of the App Store, that the iPhone Facebook app was released. The Android app was released in 2009, but it really wasn’t til 2011 that the iPhone app became basically a cooler twin of the website. And since then, it’s been an arms race to secure what matters most to advertisers: our attention.
Social Media Addiction is Their Goal
There’s no better way to say it. Multiple people who once worked for social media companies have said that these social media apps–and so many other tech thingies–are designed to be addictive. Their hope is that little by little, you will be influenced to spend your money on certain things, vote in certain ways, attack certain people. They hope that you not only develop a social media addiction, but that you won’t even realize it since so much of society is battling the same. If you have Netflix (or even if you don’t wink wink) please watch The Social Dilemma. Most of the people who make these apps that control your life? They barely use them. They won’t let their kids use them.
Psychologists have also done all sorts of studies on social media addiction, in relation to dopamine, depression, self-harm, anxiety, etc. Many have noted that there are stark changes in once predictable behavioral patterns, all coinciding with the rise of social media.
I’ve been reading (!!!) some awesome books about social media addiction through the lenses of tech gurus and mental health professionals. Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, How to Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price, Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke. Next on my list is Stolen Focus by Johann Hari. I tried Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier, but it didn’t do it for me. It might for you, though.
A Month In, and I Love it Here!
It’s been a month since I decided to try digital minimalism. I talk about it all the time, like the uncle who goes to prison Christian and comes home NOI Muslim. The night before the first day, though, I had a nightmare that there was some sort of mess about me online but that I wasn’t there to put out the fire. This is largely from my training as a journalist, to “get in the comments early and often.” I’m proud to say (and my former editor Kevin Allman will be proud too, if he’s reading this) that when it comes to comments now, I’m friendTor Jarvis DeBerry to the bullshit. They used to stay coming for that man in the comments, and baby Jarvis was undaunted. To that note, I love that I work for media outlets now who either don’t have comments, or who keep them heavily moderated, and who refuse to incite discord to cheaply garner clicks. Having to constantly check your own social media and your job’s social media for comments is the worst type of social media addiction, because it’s not even yours.
how Digital Minimalism has Improved My Life:
- Much more present as a mom! Franklin (9) says I’m really fun to play with now.
- Brain is firing on all cylinders. I could give a speech today or do an essay test.
- Despite really awful things in my life (job search has been fruitless for years; might lose my house behind a mortgage not even in my name, that I agreed to under duress while in the hospital less than 24 hours after having my son and still under the influence of childbirth drugs; money is clearly a challenge; Entergy New Orleans is just horrific and the shutoff moratorium is scheduled to end soon), I am usually at peace.
- Getting things done is so easy! I just do them. No “oh let me just check” this and that.
- I switched to Cricket Wireless and pay just $30 a month for unlimited talk, text and data! (Data slows after whatever amount, but Wi-Fi makes that not a problem.)
- I’ve lost so much weight! Maybe I’m sleeping better, maybe I’m moving around more, I’m not sure.
- My reading stamina is way up. I used to read one tiny chapter of a book and just be so exhausted.
- Memory is sharp!
- Things to Do lists are easier to make and complete.
- Anxiety is way down.
- Everything is very special! My kid’s jokes, sunsets, animals, music!
My Digital Minimalism and Dopamine Detox Tricks
It’s no secret that I’ve been drove with social media for quite some time. But like many of us–especially freelancers, entrepreneurs, journalists, etc.–I thought I needed to be on it. That if I left, I’d miss some huge life-changing opportunity. What helped this time is that I thought I was going to be getting this super amazing job with the second most popular TV show on the nation’s fifth most popular TV channel. Unfortunately, after a month of interviews and such, they gave the position to another lady who they said had more experience in that type of writing. They said they really like me and that it was a tough decision blasé blasé blasé that don’t pay the bills. To be clear, I’m not upset and I know it will all work out for my good. They want me to freelance with them again, and I might. I recently saw a perfect position that I’m praying for as we speak, though. It’s a remote copy editing position with Capital B, a BLACK-ONWED NEWSROOM.
Where was I? Oh yes! How did I get digital minimalism and dopamine detox to work for me. Some things I’d been doing. Others, I just started after seeing them in the books and documentary I mentioned above.
Digital Minimalism and Dopamine Detox Hacks:
- Alarm clock in your bedroom, not your phone
- Use Finch or another fun habit tracker/to-do list helper
- Clock near your TV to prevent mindless streaming
- Turn off next episode auto-play on streaming television
- Log out of social media accounts and clear your browser history or use a private browser
- Delete distracting apps from your phone
- Turn off notifications
- Turn off tagging, except in comments
- Make and pin a post telling people you’ll be gone and can be found via whatever way but social media
- Leave your phone at home as much as possible
- Change your notification sounds and vibrations so you can choose which ones to ignore, without having to grab your phone and risk distraction
- If you work at home, leave your phone somewhere crazy like the top shelf way up high or safely in your car
- Use other devices. I already mentioned alarm clocks, but try paper planners, regular calculators, real flashlights, MP3 players, activity and sleep trackers, digital cameras
- Download Google Maps for offline use
- Make your phone’s home screens and lock screens one-stop shops (see photo below)
- Plan non-online things
- Listen to the radio in your car, fix your presets
- Use Freedom or Freedom’s free browser plugins
- Pick a time when you will post and a time when you will respond
- Try a Light Phone!
- Don’t get on social for two hours after you wake up and for two hours before bed
- Consider what you’re doing when you’re online. Are you bored? Avoiding others? Honestly and truly making money moves? Figure out if you can do that, without social media
- Use the screen time settings on the phone or even in the apps. If there’s a code to get in, have someone else do it.
- Put an ad blocker on
- Share reviews and experiences on Yelp and Google instead of your social media
- Post and LEAVE; Comment and LEAVE
I think that’s about all I’ve been doing. Trust, I’ve tried it before. Many times. But I neglected to, as they say in education, “set myself up for success.”
My phone screens currently. I feel no need to go to social media or engage in any other dillydallying.
What’s Next In Digital Minimalism for Us?
I say “us” because I’ve got Franklin doing it too. Now that’s a special challenge since he’s not always with me. But as my mom used to say, “Children crave structure.” Also he’s well aware that I’m neither the one nor the two. Maybe other folks are, but that’s their cross to bear. He really loves playing with me though, definitely enjoys chill reading and writing time. He’s also been skating and is doing so great! I made an Amazon Wishlist with the stuff I want to get us eventually. Strangely enough, it’s a short list!
My dream is to make my house–God-willing I can save it–be the house people go to for lil kickbacks like in Two Can Play That Game and Love Jones and all those. I already have a ton of board games, and the tunes. I be cooking and making the drinks and such.
If you’ve gotten this far, I assume you’re considering giving this a shot? If so, I’m so excited to support you on your digital minimalism and dopamine detox journey! Via email though, and I’ll see it when I see it.
