Last year I had trouble figuring out whether or not to cut people off. If you know me, you’re probably scrunching your face in confusion since you know that once I cut someone off, it’s for good. But it’s the initial cut off that troubles me. Do we have an established title? Have I spent a lot of time on you? Or a lot of money? Did I give up other people and pass up opportunities for you?
In 2020, I think we all learned to “release what no longer serves us.” And I learned that when I did, I started getting so many more wins! Seriously, I’d put a toxic (cliché, I know) guy on mute and be dry with him and then boom tons of emails from editors wanting me to write for them. I’d block a “friend” and pow invitations to speak on panels.
Sayin’ though, aye, it ain’t nothin’ to cut that bitch off / It ain’t nothin’ to cut that bitch off
– K Camp
So why was it hard for me to cut people off in 2021?
I think it’s because social media posts always say things like, “If you’re always having to cut someone off, maybe it’s you.” Pero no, no. It could definitely be them. Maybe they presented a different version of themselves when you first became friends. Perhaps they changed and became a completely different person. Or you met them when you were a different person. In these past two years, most of us have had a lot of time to think things through. No more running relationships on auto-pilot. It used to be easy to just go through the motions to keep up relationships with others, but our time is getting scarce and no one wants to waste it suffering. Don’t be scared to cut people off and find your happy again!
How did I realize I took too long to cut people off in 2021?
My friend Tatianna Tarot posted her free 2022 tarot workbook, Possess Your Spirit in 2022. Basically, you use tarot cards to look back at 2021 to see what worked, what didn’t. When I did mine, it pretty much said that I made the right choice putting work aside to focus on parenting, but that I was dragging my feet about cutting people off. Say less, shockingly accurate Miss Cleo tarot deck, say less.
So, should you cut people off? Absolutely.
- If you think you can recoup lost funds, you can’t. Cut them off.
- If you think you can get back lost time, you can’t. Cut them off.
- If you think it’s a bad look ending things, sticking around looks worse. Cut them off.
We all make mistakes and I’m certainly not suggesting you cut people off at first offense. I’ve actually been seeing The Lady and she’s told me to try giving men I’m dating a chance, instead of turning their human imperfections into tragic flaws.
But if you:
- rarely have a good time with a person
- feel drained after seeing them
- are stressed by having to see them
- remember more good times in the past than recently
- only feel like giving the bare minimum
CUT. THEM. OFF!
How do I cut people off?
That depends on the person, really, and your relationship up until now. If it’s a person you’ve been … intimate with, cutting them off in person might not be wise. Ask me how I know. Me, I’m a fan of muting on social media and on my phone. Then it’s just a natural cut off, if you fully ignore them. Blocking is awesome too, if they had you particularly messed up. Know that you owe no one an explanation as far as removing them from your life.
When you cut them off, you’ll likely feel relieved. A weight lifted! You might think back on all the times you should’ve cut them off but didn’t, of all their actions that were red flags in hindsight. All the times they (in my native 7th Ward New Orleans voice) tried to play the piss out you. That’s OK though, don’t beat yourself up for not cutting them off sooner. Bottom line is, you did it! Finally.
Speaking of “finally,” another funny thing is that your friends and family might not be shocked you cut the person off, and may have actually been waiting for you to do it. Not wanting to get into specifics here, but one person I cut off in 2020 and another I cut off in 2021 surprised no one. They’ve actually been cut off by others too, for similar reasons. I wish them well on their journeys, and I hope they find the friendships they deserve. But not with me!
