Working through long-term unemployment? See what I did there? OK now if I’m that witty, tell me why I’ve been unemployed since my birthday, April 30, in 2020. In 2019 on November 15, my late mom’s birthday, I had a dream that I lost my job. When I woke up, there was an email from my boss about an emergency team call. Luckily, the dream already prepared me for the call. The entire editing department was being vaporized. Not really a surprise, since people will share anything without even reading it, in a space and time where clicks = cash.
WHEN I WAS LAID OFF AND LONG-TERM UNEMPLOYMENT BEGAN
I was a news writer and overnight editor for a huge TV news company, and basically I would spend half my shift on CNN Newsource finding stories to include on dozens of local TV station websites and the other half—my favorite half—editing and fact checking for a handful of journalists from across the nation. Most were new to journalism, so loudly applauding them while gently correcting them made me so happy. The great people in my newsrooms when I was a cub reporter were so helpful, and I wanted to be that for someone, too. (Shout out to Lede New Orleans, I love love love them and I’m such a proud unofficial board member!)
When I had the dream and got the call, I was sort of relieved because I hated the hours. When I did overnights at The Times-Picayune, I think it ended at midnight. So that’s why I didn’t mind agreeing to this. I had no clue this would be from 10 p.m. til 6 a.m. Because of the timing of the shift, they let me and I think one other girl stay on through April. Who knew a pandemic would ensue just a few months after? (Well I kinda knew because I did world news too, but I didn’t think a thing in China could come here really, which I know sounds foolish, looking back.)
OH, BY THE WAY, HERE’S A PANDEMIC
During the pandemic, I dealt with a depressed kindergartener (I didn’t know at the time, I was just trying to make ends meet after my little $1,840 severance), gaining weight, skin issues, fake friends who’d been fake, bitch ass niggas, a car repossession, etc. I will say, my family died when I was 17 so I’m thankful I didn’t have to worry about anyone dying of COVID. It was death after death after death for so many people, and I know from experience that losing all those folks within months is incredibly painful.
SEEKING REGULAR PEOPLE WORK AGAIN
So let’s fast forward to about 2022. My kid’s school stays open consistently, and I think it’s a great time to seriously start looking for a W-2 job. Freelancing is wonderful for me, but I think the consistency of regular payment, benefits, not having to chase my pay, all that sounds perfect.
I start applying on LinkedIn. Mostly auto-rejects. I’m recruited and they go with folks with less experience. My cover letters are fan-fucking-tastic and they usually get me in the door, to the last round of edit tests and interviews, then they go with someone else. I’m interviewed by one lady, she leaves the job! So I gotta do all the shit over again.
Four-hundred and ten jobs. In the past two years, I’ve applied for 410 jobs on LinkedIn alone. Several edit tests, interviews, tasks, etc. And I’ve come up empty! It hurts, yeah! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t take the rejection personally sometimes. Mostly because, shit, other muthafuckas who aren’t as good as I get jobs so easily. It’s natural for me to feel like I’m the problem, the reason for my own long-term unemployment, despite knowing it’s God intervening. Seriously, how much can a heart take?!
LONG-TERM UNEMPLOYMENT IS HAPPENING TO SO MANY
I think about my cousin who took his own life this April, and how he was so happy to have found a job he loved only to be let go shortly after because of some past criminal record shit? Ridiculous. Anyway soon after he was let go, is when he unfortunately made the choice to grab a gun and end his life. And, while I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about that from me (there, but for the grace of God, go I), I gotta say I fully understand his decision. He’d been plagued with long-term unemployment for quite some time before this, and really I think he was supposed to be a comedian and not a worker bee.
ACTION PLAN
So what am I going to do now? Some of y’all are anti-tarot cards and trust me I get where you’re coming from. But when you have more dead people you’d ask for advice than living, you gotta get creative. The way I figure it, dead people don’t just go away. The same way my “unseen squad” helps me on the regular, they can pull out the right cards to help guide me. Trust that I go to God still in everything. But I know He got a lotta patnas up there working for him. Like a Buc-ee’s.
Anyway I asked a bunch of questions, wrote them in my notebook and pulled a card for each one. Basically, I’m supposed to be an entrepreneurial leader, doing my own creative thing but still writing for fancy publications. Taking concrete steps is the key. The other jobs never panned out because I couldn’t be creative. Even though I’ve had regular people jobs pre-pandemic, those were jobs I needed so I could learn certain things, make certain connections. That was then though, and what I needed to experience and whom I needed to meet were different. Ultimately, I need to put most of everything to the side to finally finish my mom’s memoir. Which is what I was trying to do by applying to regular people jobs. But like my Dillard homeboy Steven Anthony told me, “regular jobs are for regular people.”
AIN’T TOO PROUD TO GENTLY ASK FOR A LITTLE HELP
One thing the cards did say, is that I need to lean on the community for support. I’m stubbornly independent (only child, only grandchild, everybody been dead) but I do know two things: I always help people when I got it and closed mouths don’t get fed. I’m going to start applying for grants and entering writing competitions weekly, instead of applying for jobs. But right now, I’m graciously accepting any donations.
I know it looks like I be drinking Champagne, doing bumps of caviar, jet-setting and eating steak. And, well, that’s true and I’m incredibly thankful for the joy in my life. But that’s all-expenses paid, I make no money while I’m there, and it actually costs me money (luggage, rides to/from MSY). It’s simply a part of my freelance work.
