Customer Service Where?

Employees be wilding, yeah. Look, I used to be silly at the Gap, I let guests get my number at Kabby’s, was once (maybe twice) intentionally rough with the gummy sharks at the aquarium so I could damage them out and eat some. But I never, to my knowledge, have behaved like some of the employees I see today at some stores. My customer service was always on point!

If you know me, you know I don’t do all that respectability politics keeping it cute stuff. At all. And I know some of y’all be mad at me, but I’d rather just be happy being honestly and authentically myself than to be fake to appease and/or impress others. Ewww.

Actually, that’s something my mom wrote “to” me in a letter that I lost in Katrina (always and forever fuck you, Freddye Hill). I can’t remember it exactly, but basically it said, “Don’t be afraid to march to the beat of your own drummer.” I’m getting so mad, Lord I want my round with Dr. Hill.

Anyway let me stop crying and get back to this.

Not sure if it’s the customers, because they be cutting up too, but there’s no excuse for what I’ve been seeing. Where is Undercover Boss?!

Here are a few recent incidents.

• At Family Dollar, a physical location where historically my family and I received the best customer service (Canal Villere, and the store like Citi Trends I’m blanking on the name), security and employees saw a man follow me out the store, to my car. He was no real danger, just a New Orleans jocer, but he was doing way too much. In New York, and maybe other places outside New Orleans, the girls call that harrassment. Asked me for my number, a hug, wouldn’t leave me alone. And he was doing this to other people in the store, but I’m the only one he followed to the car. Lucky girl syndrome, huh? And the employees all know him, some were cussin’ with him. All in front customers.
• In line at Dollar General, the security guard came to tell the cashier about a woman shoplifting. They were both cussin and carrying on. All in front me, and a sweet elderly woman behind me.
• My local Walgreens had a book on the shelves, a 2007 exercise book with a DVD from Elle Magazine! They said it wasn’t in the system, so I couldn’t buy it. They said come back the next day to see if they’d put it in the system. So I did. And they looked at me crazy, and said they had to send it back. Sooooooo I shoulda just stole it, I guess. I say that because they always got somebody stealing, begging, playing wit dey lil bird outside. It was very clear I wanted that book. Now I’m pissed.
• I walk in Dollar General and one omg there’s a turnstile there, but two the lady was on the phone with her baby’s father, I believe. And the other employees cussin and carrying on.
• At McDonald’s, Franklin and I were thinking folks were finna fight because a girl was screaming and cussin about how she was ready to go but they asked her to stay.
• A few months ago at Burger King, the manager was in there cussin and talking loud about drugs with the employees. Mind you, I had Franklin with me.

Now, it could be the guests themselves bringing this on.

• At McDonald’s, a man walked in clearly trying to hustle free food. He didn’t ask them kindly for food, because I know they would’ve given it to him. But he lied, said he’d ordered two 10-piece nuggets but lost his receipt when he went outside to smoke. They asked him to just give him the card he bought the food with. Tell me why this man pulled out a food stamp card. “SIR THAT IS A WHOLE FOOD STAMP CARD, WE DON’T TAKE THAT!”
• In line at Walgreens, an older lady was right up on me and then she pooted. After that, she told the cashier that she was royalty and that as a queen, she’s supposed to show her ID and get whatever she wants for free.
• The lady behind me at the Dollar General was tweaking bad bad, like whatever she’s taking I want no parts. Although she was moving around a lot so maybe I could lose weight?

There are other customer service incidents too, but I think this gives you the gist. Like my Aunt Jill told my cousin Jeremy in 2001, when he insisted upon wearing his du-rag outside the house, “Now you can wear it inside, you know, to keep ya lil style. But outside? That’s too damn [redacted]!”

Have fun and be fully yourself with friends, or while out doing you solo, but have some ackright abouchaself when you on these people clock. Put the phone away, earbuds and headphones too. Save the cussin for the break room. No one is saying try to be employee of the month, but at least try to do things as outlined by your employer. Don’t be afraid to call your manager! If the customer is wrong, yay sweet vindication! If the customer is right, cool you learned a lesson and the customer walks away happy having received better customer service.